[[>>...You never loved me anyways...<<]]

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

posts from the last 5 days..straight from my xanga

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

OMG.. my uncle just let a huge one...ahhhhh

\lol that was SO random...lol well anyways I am eating white cheddar easy mac while using my dads laptop. mmm this stuff is gooooood. Well we went to Islands of Adventure today and wow that place was great. We rode EVERYTHING...well almost everything. I didnt ride the flying unicorn..haha fun fun. Spiderman was the BEST..omg I dont think I have ever been on a greater ride in my life!! I want to use AIM so bad...its been like ...6 days since I last used my aol instant messenger...

random event from some date whoever knows

My dad and sister are driving down the street in my dads neighborhood, and it is dark on a christmas night. Some black neighbor just finished hanging up his lights around his lamp post and starts to circle it jumping up and down, dancing.
dad: ..what do you think hes doing?
sister: ..his christmas light dance..?

...today I thought I saw Dave again but in two different occassions. I just dont understand why I cant stop thinking about him and seeing him everywhere. He CANT mean that much to me...right?

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Monday, June 14, 2004

Alright, well this morning I woke up waaay too early for my liking. I went downstairs and got a massive breakfast hoping it would keep me full for a little while at the park...oh was I wrong. Well anyways, the park opens at 9 and we were there at like..7:45. haha we were at the front of the ticket lines and we were even let into the park 20 min early. OMG....this place is incredible. We rode every single ride there. My favortie one (which btw was the first one we rode) was the Return of The Mummy. That was a great one, and it had just opened so it was very popular. Believe it or not, we got on it twice in like 5 min after we got into the park. Now... E.T....that one was too happy-go-lucky for my liking. That ride (that we waited 45 min for) made 'Its a small world' look bad. But anyways I had an incredible time. We also went into Nickelodeon Studios and we were playing slime time games with that host guy of Slime time live, and some kid next to me got slimed. I thought it was pretty fun. When we got home, (the hotel) I ate like everything in the entire room I was so hungry, and I think I ate too much btw... so I went down to the health club I(excersize room) and worked out for like 45 min... it was alright, except for the fact that WAY too many people dont know how to not stare and be considerate of others...thats all I have to say on that matter.

...tomorrow we are going to 'Islands of Adventure'...which is supposed to be the one with all of the roller coasters and whatnot. The park we were at today, Universal, was mainly simulators and a few indoor coasters that were limited on what they could do, so tomorrow should be a lot better.

I almost thought I saw Dave today. yes, impossible,...but why wont his face just stop haunting me? Hes everywhere I am....

I guess he means more to me than I want him to

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Sunday, June 13, 2004

alright, well right now I am at the Springhill suites in Orlando, Florida. Wow. This place is absolutely amazing! (Orlando..not the hotel) We of course had to spend another like 8 excrutiating hours in the car, but we finally got here at about 5:30. Ron, my dads twin brother had driven up here from Baton Rouge and got here at about 4:00 so he had to wait for us until we got there. We then went to the city walk and and ate at NASCAR cafe. The food was spectacular, and when we left to take a walk, the entire place looked beautiful with all of the lights everywhere. I called my mom on the way back from the city walk and told her about the day. I guess today was alright, but tomorrow is when the real fun starts.

Also, after we got back, my entire family and I went swimming in the outdoor heated pool (which btw had sprinklers everywhere, it was BIG, and a small waterpark) and I saw a bunch of CUTE guys checking me out in my bikini! wee omg that was great. I am so happy I can be single and still love it at the same time...

I never needed Dave to be happy..

I just needed a vacation to realize that alls I need is myself.

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Saturday, June 12, 2004

yay!! lol my dad brought his laptop computer so I am able to get online here at the Springhill suites in North Carolina!

well since it is really late at night and everything..I dont think I have too much time to write about what happened today, so I will just paste an email I sent my mom a few min ago about what happened. Just pretend that I wrote it to you and then maybe it will seem better...

Hey mom tis shelby here. I am at the Springhill Suites in North Carolina�omg this place is NICE. Lol. We went and ate at the Cracker Barrel and I got 'Burts bees besswax lip balm', I wanted to get the hand salve for you�but I forgot my money there at home, my bad. Hehe and a 10 cent peppermint stick. Mmmmm.. Alright well first off today, sheridan and I just played video games basically the whole time, besides watching the movie 'holes'. It was pretty good. I got about an hour of sleep after we left from the Natural Bridge in Virginia. We got lots and lots of pictures of me and the bridge and all that so when we get them developed we HAVE to show you. We spent about 2 hours there tops, and then had lunch in the parking lot eating random assortments of foods. (we were basically stuffing our faces in front of tons of people with tuna, ritz crackers, goldfish, cherries, etc� not to mention some nasty dip Shawn made that made me choke and hack up half of it onto the parking lot..) But besides that, Virginia was tons of fun. We saw lots of fireworks stands and stuff full of illegal fireworks in Pennsylvania, I think we are going to go get some awesome artillery shells here in North Carolina on the way back tho, you are going to have to see those, they are the ones that explode so far up in the air�the professional looking ones. For the rest of the time it was just really boring in the car. Umm at Cracker barrell I got the shrimp meal with hashbrown casserole, mashed potatoes, and corn. MMM it was so yummy. Their gravy is really good too. But when you make the hashbrown casserole or whatever, don�t put the onions in it. They made it taste nasty. SO�I am going to get a postcard from Florida and send it to you and Katie Ghallager. I have only been gone for about one day but yet I miss you so much already. Sheridan says "take care of the dog" too. After dinner we came back and Sheridan went swimming with everyone while I went into the excersize room and ran for about 15 min and then used some complicated machine with stairs..? Well anyways I got a good workout! Lol I love you to pieces, and be sure to call dads cell or something sometime tomorrow�

I love you,

Shelby xo

well anyways, yesterday, at Matthews Twin Ponds party...omg that was the best Matthew~! Omg Katie..when you were trying to get that sweatshirt on and it got stuck on your head and you nearly fell over on your skates still stuck...haah omg THAT WAS GREAT!! lmao, I love you to pieces girl, I am gonna send you a postcard!! ..haha air hockey and the bathroom...katie you never cease to amaze me!
...Seth, haha I dont know you that well but I had a great time with you. thanks!

NOW....I got some terrible news from Ali yesterday at Matts party. She had forogotten to tell me that Dave had said something about me which consisted of "OH PLEASE, she is so lying, shes trying to turn everyone against me because she is just jealous I am going out with Tori, so she will need to get over it" ....OH MY LORD I could not have been any more angrier than I was then. I was so incredibly mad I was crying. Good things I had Ali there to cry on. Well anyways, I talked to Julie about it on my moms cell phone (which had gotten lost then found then lost and found again in about 10 min) and she did not seem one bit surprised. I knew I should have listened to her....grr. I am never going to for saying something like that! Of all the time I have ever known him (7 years) I have never ever once heard him say something so rude and arrogant and selfish of an assumption ABOUT A FRIEND.....
he says that I am trying to turn everyone against him?! I would never do that! And for him to say something like that, hurts. And that I lied to my best friends faces about what he had said about them....well that is just as low as it gets because I would not EVER do anything like that just for revenge and whatnot. He is such a jerk anyways, saying that I was lying when right there he was being a hypocrite and lying straight to Alis face and she almost believed him! And last but not least...jealousy....what a terrible thing. Sure I have been guilty of it before, but no...not this time. I was the one who encouraged him to go out with her... I told him that he just needed to go out with her because I felt miserable enough and that I think I should move on. Yeah that is me being really jealous. I wanted to make you happy, do what I thought was best and would make you the happiest. BUT NO...you have to tell me I am jealous! how dare you david joseph thomas.
Let this be the last goodbye between me and him...because I will not give him the chance to redeem himself. ever.

(OH and btw i will be in Florida by tomorrow night)

I LOVE YOU xox

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Friday, June 11, 2004

Jess and Kaylas party last night was awesome! I had the best time ever...except when I fell on the ground and hit my head!! thanks vik! lol well anyways...what happened in this room, stays in this room ... lol I better not see anyone posting in anyones xangas what I did at that party during truth or dare.... haha its all matts fault!!!

...i have to go... I am packing for Universal today, and then I'm off to Matthews birthday party later at Twin Ponds! (oh no i cant ice skate) well that means that I wont be updating in here for a whole week because I will be in the car for 2 days on the way to Universal and then I am staying there til whatever and spending another 2 days in the car. I should be back by next Saturday tho.... *hugs* Ill miss you!!

oxoxo shelby

Posted at 05:43 pm by wavebabe017
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

tsk tsk tsk..

whoa... yesterday was kind of like a wild day for me. At first I was sad and depressed, but then next thing you know Dave and I are sitting next to each other on the bus breaking each others virgin bracelets. lol... actually he broke mine and then I saw his duct tape bracelet and he asked me if I wanted to break it so I did.

In French he would sit there across from me and just stare. Stare like no tomorrow at me. I of course could feel the weight of his eyes and looked back. We just sat there staring at each other and I could tell he wanted to say something. His eyes had this longing to just say something to me, but that being imposible because we were on the opposite sides of the room. I looked back down and glanced back up but he was still staring at me. So I just looked at him again and smiled. Everyday I can see him looking at me, and it doesnt bother me, but it always gives me this hope, that maybe...jut maybe, theres a chance. Friday, when I was sitting behind him in french for some unknown reason, I wrote on his paper "I <3 U" and he turned around and said "me too" and I leaned up really close, I mean really really close and whispered doubtingly "yeah right" and he looked at me and said "im not kidding" and I leaned down next to him and finally replied "if you mean what you say, then you tell me what you see in Tori. The real truth you see in her, and then we'll talk" ....of course that question never gets answered because there is no real answer to that question besides "big tities" (as he would like to say) because he doesnt want me to know that was it. So we just sat next to each other on the bus and had a good time. I asked him today that we should hang out more often, and he said that he never can because he doesnt have time. I asked Dwayne to verify this, and it was true. he always is doing something whether its watching his little sister, or working at the church with his mom and out in the yard with his dad. Sometimes I wonder how he ever even gets his homework done...oh, wait a minute... he never does it! haha nevermind..

another thing I noticed... (and this is over time) that everyday at lunch (band lunch that is) he sits at the table in front of us, but always with his back turned against me and I am straight at his back. (we sit in these seats every single day) But I can always see him try to turn around and look at me and pretend he is looking at Mr Shively, which he isnt because ew...who would want to see him eat anyways?, and I dont think he realizes that I notice because I can see him really easily and he cant. A lot of the times when I have my head down or when im talking to someone, usually Ali, I can see him out of the corner of my eye looking at me again. This is the same thing with outside in the commons or the parking lot. He is always with his group of guys, and looking at me whenever he gets the chance.
I also noticed that when he looks behind him in the halls and notices I am behind him, and he thinks I dont know he is in front of us because I am talking to someone, he will always stop and slow down until he is closer and stuff. When he knows I know that he is there, he will quickly turn around and see me and kind of slow down even though I never catch up anyways. And I mean this is like ALL the time... it is just so obvious that he is doing that so he can be by me and stuff, his motions are just way too...apparent.

...well anyways, I told him that I am never going back to youth group. He promised me that I would feel like part of a family there, but I got a bunch of mean glares and faces from Tori and her little group of friends. I didnt really feel like I belonged, and that would be the only reason why. Everyone else is really nice to me and they all thought I was pretty cool, but then there was Tori- who didnt even want to give me a chance and turned her friends on me even though they have never heard nor met me yet. It hurts to be looked down upon and no one there to help you back up. I just wish Dave would talk to Tori and ask her to be nice so I could come back. But he wouldnt do that for me because he likes her too much. I just wish he had those kind of feelings for me though...

Today was my grandpas viewing. I cried of course, but I felt the most terrible heartbreaking pain when my grandma started crying rivers of tears. She was just bawling right next to me. Never in my life have I ever seen her cry before, and there she was sobbing into her hands for my grandpa. It hurt so bad to see her cry like that, and I could have just died when my cousin Jennifer came into the room with a rose and didnt even make it 10 feet without breaking down to her knees and crying histerically. I have never felt so sad in my life. I cried next to Mallory just looking at him, wishing that he could just stand up out of that coffin and come home with me and pretend nothing ever happened. But this being me, I know that could never happen and I just cried until I felt lightheaded and sat down next to my grandma again and hugged her.

Posted at 09:10 pm by wavebabe017
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Friday, May 28, 2004

Entry for May 27 not 28

Here is a conversation between Julie and I...it will explain a little bit about what is going on...

oh, and BTW... there is something in there that I have never mentioned yet today that is really serious...its about my grandfather...

Webi167: shelby i just read what u commented on my xanga... thank you so much!!!! It made me tear up
wavebabe017: ELF
Webi167: well same to you!!!
Webi167: lol jk
wavebabe017: LMAO
wavebabe017: SORRRY
Webi167: lol its k
wavebabe017: I was trying MYSELF into another biox and u got the elf part of it
Webi167: haha figured
wavebabe017: hehe your very welcome
wavebabe017: im always here
Webi167: awe thanks shleby
Webi167: *hug*
wavebabe017: *huggles*
Webi167: heheh
wavebabe017: omg I am in the BIGEST fight with brittany right now
wavebabe017: grr
wavebabe017: she pisses me off
Webi167: me too man
Webi167: gaaah i cna't stand her anymore
wavebabe017: she is so frickin confusing online and everyday she is getting more and more touchy
wavebabe017: lordy I cant say hi without her flipping out on me
Webi167: have u noticed shes more like into herself?
Webi167: like flirting a LOT
wavebabe017: OMG I KNOW
Webi167: i mena it isn't just me right?
Webi167: shes insane she soo.... like full of herself
wavebabe017: OMG U SHOULD SEE THIS CONVERSATION
wavebabe017: she acts like she knows EVERYTHING
wavebabe017: and she is assuming WAY too much
Webi167: send me it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wavebabe017: its LOOOOOONG
wavebabe017: and confusing
wavebabe017: lol
wavebabe017: but before I send anything I might want to say that my Gpa has cancer and he is going to die soon
wavebabe017: I just found out today
Webi167: oh my god
Webi167: shelby, hunny, omg i'm so sorry
wavebabe017: its alright
wavebabe017: here
wavebabe017 wants to directly connect.
Webi167 is now directly connected.
wavebabe017: wavebabe017: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh
Qtpiexx89: what now?
wavebabe017: brittany have some sympathy
wavebabe017: my grandpas dying
wavebabe017: he will die in like a week
wavebabe017: and theres nothing I can do
Qtpiexx89: sry how the hell was iu supposed to do alls you siad was ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Qtpiexx89: you can't assume i know what is going on
Qtpiexx89: im sry for your loss
Qtpiexx89: i am but it isn't like you would believe me
wavebabe017: whatever... grr and dave doesnt make me feel any better when I spoke to him. he is just so like blah, and well you know I am thinking of just giving up on him altogether. I know that we will NEVER be together and that he wants her and only her. Yeah he told me he likes me but he said not even close to ask much as I like him. Of course he needs to have his ugly fat ass bitch who is unbelievably mean and nasty. He doesnt like me much... not even CLOSE to love...he only put it there for kicks basically
Qtpiexx89: yea ok
Qtpiexx89: i would kill for a guy to be the way dave is to you
wavebabe017: but HES PLAYING AROUND
wavebabe017: he means nothing
wavebabe017: nothing
wavebabe017: I would rather have nothing then what hes doing
wavebabe017: because I know hes getting kciks out of it fooling around with me
Qtpiexx89: i would rather have a guy fool around with me then nothing
wavebabe017: well i wouldnt
wavebabe017: it hurts me brittany
wavebabe017: I want to love and be loved in retun not PLAYED WITH
Qtpiexx89: cuz you know that something is there but it might not be anything big but it is there
wavebabe017: I know somethings there but itll never happen!
Qtpiexx89: shelby you are to young to know what love really is
Qtpiexx89: yea ok
Qtpiexx89: your right
wavebabe017: look he refuses to give up on that shitfaces bitch
Qtpiexx89: nothing is ever going to happen between you to
wavebabe017: i know
Qtpiexx89: cuz you don't have faith
wavebabe017: I DO
wavebabe017: why do you think I try so hard?
Qtpiexx89: no you don't
wavebabe017: I do everything I can to get his attention
wavebabe017: BRITTNY I WAS LIKE SLEPING ON HIM TODAY
wavebabe017: and I had my head on his shoulder
Qtpiexx89: if you had real faith then you wouldn't be saying that nothing is going to happen between you to
wavebabe017: because he has too much faith in tori to even care what I have to feel about him
wavebabe017: he has faith in HER n0ot ME
Qtpiexx89: so that doesn't mean anything
wavebabe017: I am nothing compared to a fat ass ugly ass bitch
wavebabe017: SHE IS SO MEAN TO ME AND HIM
wavebabe017: he doesnt care
wavebabe017: shes ugly and fat
wavebabe017: he doesnt
wavebabe017: as long as shes got the tits
wavebabe017: thats a;ll that matters!
Qtpiexx89: so what if it does
wavebabe017: then my life would suck
Qtpiexx89: no offense but yours aren't all that big and he went out with you
wavebabe017: then there would never ever be anything between us
wavebabe017: BECASUE TORI BROKE YUP WITH HIM
wavebabe017: I was like...aftershcok he was probably desperate
wavebabe017: and you know what he made a bad idea
wavebabe017: I dont even think we Iwent outI
wavebabe017: it shouldnt be considered going out
wavebabe017: we never went out or anything
wavebabe017: it was nothing
wavebabe017: nothing
wavebabe017: thats what our relatoionship was
wavebabe017: nothing
Qtpiexx89: fine whatever
Qtpiexx89: your right it was nothing
Qtpiexx89: nothing at all
wavebabe017: it was nothing!
Qtpiexx89: you should just be a lez and go looking for hot chicks
wavebabe017: I just want to give up I dont want to suffer anymore
Qtpiexx89: then give up
wavebabe017: i cant stand see him look and talk about tori all the time
wavebabe017: I LOVE him brittany
wavebabe017: he doesnt know that
wavebabe017: I never said anythoiing to ANYONE
wavebabe017: BUT I LOVE HIM
Qtpiexx89: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS SHELBY GET IT THROUGH YOU THINK YOU LOVE HIM CUZ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
wavebabe017: YES I DO
wavebabe017: YOU ASSUME BRITTANY
Qtpiexx89: NO YOU DON'T
wavebabe017: YOU DONT KNOW
wavebabe017: I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITH OUT HIM
wavebabe017: I WOULD BE LOST
wavebabe017: I WOULD HATE MYSELF
wavebabe017: I WOULDNT HAVE SOMEONE TO TURN TO WHEN I NEED A SHOUDER TO CRY ON LIKE TODAY
wavebabe017: I WOULD PROBABLY BE DEAD BY NOW
wavebabe017: the only reason im alive is because of him
wavebabe017: I was thinking of sucicde a while back
wavebabe017: but he gave me hope
wavebabe017: he is the nicest person I have ever met
wavebabe017: he makes me feel special
wavebabe017: I lvoe being around him
wavebabe017: he always has something positive to say
wavebabe017: and hes the best guy friend I could ever ask for
wavebabe017: I trust him with anything
wavebabe017: I would give my life to him
wavebabe017: I would do anything
wavebabe017: because he has touched me so much in the heart
wavebabe017: that I just cant let him go
wavebabe017: no matter what
wavebabe017: THAT BRITTANY...that is love I feel
wavebabe017: and I dont want that taken away
wavebabe017: but its too fucking bad I cant say it to his face
Qtpiexx89: your right i don't know anything cuz you say im your bestfriend but if i was you would tell me stuff that you tell ali not to tell me
wavebabe017: i didnt tell ali not to tell u anything
Qtpiexx89: and what the fuck suicide
wavebabe017: YEAH BRITTANY I WAS
wavebabe017: I WAS GOING TO
wavebabe017: I HATED MYSELF
Qtpiexx89: no but you tell her things and say don't tell brittany
Qtpiexx89: no offense but you are messed up
wavebabe017: no
wavebabe017: because maybe im not ready to tell you
Qtpiexx89: that is the most selfish thing you could posibly do
wavebabe017: there are times for everything
wavebabe017: BRITTANY WHY DO U THINK I LIKE DAVE SO MUCH
Qtpiexx89: well i guess i will be the last to know
wavebabe017: he made me feel special about myself and whatnot
Qtpiexx89: i always am the last to know
wavebabe017: NO U WONT
wavebabe017: U ARE NOT
Qtpiexx89: yea ok but you will go to dave first then ali then maybe me unless you want to tell anyone else
wavebabe017: WHEN
Qtpiexx89: it always works that way
wavebabe017: I went to Dave first today because of geography
wavebabe017: he was going to come over to help
Qtpiexx89: what the frick
wavebabe017: HE LIVES DOWN THE STREET
Qtpiexx89: geography?!
wavebabe017: YEAH
Qtpiexx89: what dos that have to do with anything
wavebabe017: ITS NOT LIKE U CAN COME HERE ANYWAYS
wavebabe017: I needed ashoulder to cry on
wavebabe017: I called Dave because of that
Qtpiexx89: what does geography have do with it
wavebabe017: and he was too busy taking a shit to talk on the pohone (as his sister says)
wavebabe017: BECAUSE HE CAN COMER OVER TO COMFORT ME
wavebabe017: U CANT
wavebabe017: UR NOT ALLOWED
Qtpiexx89: what the hell does geography have anything to do with anything you are talkikng about?!!!
wavebabe017: I AM TALKING ABOUT TODAY
wavebabe017: I WENT TO DAVE FIRST AND NOT YOU
wavebabe017: IT WAS AN EXAMPLE
Qtpiexx89: w/e
Qtpiexx89: its called a phone
wavebabe017: U WERRE AT CHEERLEADING
wavebabe017: and when I DID call ur mom answered
Qtpiexx89: so you called
Qtpiexx89: so y were thinkg of killing yourself
wavebabe017: BRITTANY IT WAS A WHILE AGO
Qtpiexx89: i am your best friend you should come to me
wavebabe017: I didnt tell ANYONE
Qtpiexx89: shelby stuff like that doesn't go away
wavebabe017: I was having a tough time and well when on the phone I was really upset and dave got it out of me
wavebabe017: it DID go away
wavebabe017: I thought that I had no other reason to live
Qtpiexx89: if you thought of it once you could think of it angian
wavebabe017: but he showed me that there was
wavebabe017: I have you guys and I have him
wavebabe017: it was that family thing
wavebabe017: my whole family hated me and well itlooked as thoughthere was no oneleft to lvoe me
Qtpiexx89: what happened
wavebabe017: bruittany u already know
Qtpiexx89: i need to know i don't just want to know i need to know
wavebabe017: I TOLD U ALREADY
wavebabe017: when my mom kicked me out of the house my whole family turned their backs on me and I wasnt welcomed ANYWHERE anmore! To add to that, that was when Dave and I were fighting because of the Tori thing ...I just hated my life, I hated my family, I hated myself
Webi167: k
wavebabe017: then she signed off
wavebabe017: she didnt even care about that she just made a lame excuse and signed off
wavebabe017: she thinks she knows everything
wavebabe017: and just because she is my friend I have to tell her everything
wavebabe017: well what if I dont want to tell her everything?!
wavebabe017: because everytime I do she goes and tells EVERYONE ELSE
wavebabe017: when I say "you CAN NOT tell anyone else" she will just be like "I promise I wont" an dthen she run off and mkae posters!
Webi167: Qtpiexx89: no offense but yours aren't all that big and he went out with you
Qtpiexx89: you should just be a lez and go looking for hot chicks

OMG!! WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!!! (sorry i'm inher font lol) What is her fucking problem???? Maybe she should just use what brain cells she has left in thinking that maybe if she wasn't acting like such a bitch u WOULD have told her - she had told me last year sometime that she loved dave... what the crap so 'u don't know the menaing of love' and SHE can??? shelby!!!!!!! shes INSANE!!!!!
wavebabe017: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!
Webi167: WHat is WRONG WITH her???? U want to know why? Its because she knows shes ugly and can't get a guy like dave
wavebabe017: yeah
wavebabe017: have I told u about tori?
wavebabe017: I finally met her
wavebabe017: unfortunately
Webi167: really? shes fat???
wavebabe017: OMG YES
wavebabe017: she is HUGE
wavebabe017: okay hold on..
Webi167: for real?!?!!?
Webi167: k
wavebabe017: think of Jen Wards hair...but WHITE (I think hses albino or sumthing) BUT 10x nastier
wavebabe017: now...
wavebabe017: think of alyssa shiladay about 20 pounds lighter
wavebabe017: picture the biggest bitch in her body
wavebabe017: all that together = tori
Webi167: ARE U SERIOUS???
Webi167: AND HE LOVES HER?!!?!?!?
wavebabe017: YEs
Webi167: EEEE!!!
wavebabe017: HE SAID ToO LETHA
wavebabe017: "I LOVE her"
wavebabe017: ALETHA*
Webi167: oh my golly
wavebabe017: I know
wavebabe017: he LOVCES her
Webi167: is brittany singed off
Webi167: has*
wavebabe017: and D said the same thing as me he was like "she is so fat and ugly"
wavebabe017: yeah shes off
wavebabe017: and she is the msot meanest rudest operson
Webi167: really? what did she say to u?
wavebabe017: I never met the girl and already she was giving me nasty looks and glares every chance she got
wavebabe017: nothing
wavebabe017: she refused to talk to me
wavebabe017: what did I do to deserve the treatment I got?!
Webi167: omg!!
wavebabe017: i know it hurts so bad..
wavebabe017: I spoke to him today and he told me that he still likes me hold on..
wavebabe017: him: I have to get going
ME: wait just one question
him: okay sure shoot
me: do you still like me?
him: yeah
Me: no I mean... like I like you
him: yeah I know what you mean, and the answer is yes
me: oh
him: why?
me: huh?
him: why?
me: I guess I have been thinking about it lately
him: oh well, I dont like you as much as you like me, not really
me: ...ohh
him: yeah but now Tori is going to eb gone for like 4 days sicne she is going to Pittscug

THE REEST OF THE CONVO WAS ABOUT THE FUCKING BITCH THAT HE TALKS ABOUT ALL THE TIME WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I THINK HE REALIZES THAT IT DOES HURT ME
wavebabe017: today on track and field day he wrote on my shirt "I <3 U -Dave thomas" and he was probably doing it for kicks
Webi167: i bet u feel like theres nothing ahead for u? gpa, brittnay and dave. Well hun u always got me. And wen life knocks u down u have to get back up and keep fighting. Thats what gives us the strength to carry on. Shelby you have to keep going - i mean i know i'm just assuming but it sounds to me that u are very upset and i don't blame you. U gotta roll with the punches and take it. I'm always here and no matter what brittany or dave says you are one of the greatest ppl that I know. And what i love about u is u keep on fighting. Don't let me down girlfriend - I know u can make it okay?
wavebabe017: yesterday he toook me to his youth group (how I met Tori..that bitch..) and I was basically there to make her jealoud because he likes her more than she likes him, he was USING ME
wavebabe017: OMG JULIE
wavebabe017: I LVOE YOU TO PIECES
wavebabe017: you always know what to say
Webi167: that isn't true
Webi167: it took me a couple minutes to get that out
wavebabe017: lol
wavebabe017: but stilll
wavebabe017: one of the best things I have heard in a while
wavebabe017: no one really talks to me about anything... but Dave does so thats why I always turn to him
wavebabe017: when I tell brittany something she will always be mean about it, she will usually be like "oh boohoo get over it " or "oh please" or "WHAT NOW" and "you are so messed up"
wavebabe017: she couldnt give a rats ass about my problems
Webi167: u remember that okay??? put what i said somewhere wehere u can look at it and remember that ur not the only one in the shadow of lonliness and crap. Cause when u look closer it could be sunlight if you remember that its just another day that happened to bring u down. You;ve got plenty more to bring you back up.
wavebabe017: wow...that was really wise
Webi167: its the truth babe
Webi167: just tellin the truth
wavebabe017: you sound like a professional you know that?
Webi167: now i do
Webi167: lol
wavebabe017: lol seriously
wavebabe017: well anyways
Webi167: but seriously hun, do u promise that u'll get back up?
wavebabe017: I promise
Webi167: well there ya go.
wavebabe017: tomorrow I am just going to ...well I dont know WHAT I am going to do
wavebabe017: but I am going to try and be more psoitive
Webi167: If u want my opinion, just act like u own the world
wavebabe017: lol
Webi167: nothing can bother u because u know that it'll be okay.
wavebabe017: brittany acts like she owns the universe
wavebabe017: shes a dictator
Webi167: haha true true
wavebabe017: I bet its that japanese influence
wavebabe017: shes connedcted with the axis powers
wavebabe017: EVILLLLL
Webi167: and also don't be rude or mean and if brittnay wants to talk or gets in ur face say sumthin like, 'u know... I will find you when I want to talk. Bye!!'
Webi167: lol!!
wavebabe017: lmao good idea
Webi167: and then who will be the bigger person after that?
wavebabe017: muahhahaah...we'll have to see
wavebabe017: but you know..
Webi167: brittany will be all like, 'whatever!' but she'll know that u beat her when it come sot being mature
wavebabe017: I am starting to see a big change in Dave lately. I mean... he doesnt trust me with things much anymore. He wouldnt tell me what him and Aletha were talking about (it was a paper that they were passing back and forth about Tori she asked:

aletha: do you still like Tori? ..god she is being such a bitch today...like usual
Dave: Aletha, I LOVE her
Aletha: oh
Dave: is that a bad thing...?
aletha: *unanswered*

so yeah.... god )
and he wouldnt even tell me! I kind of knew that it was about Tori but he didnt even trust me enough to tell me. HE was never usually like this, but I guess he is trying to keep me out of the way. He really really wants Tori back...he really does. And when I ask him "What do you really see in her?" he will usuallly avoid the question with an excuse like he has to go or the usual "everything about her" when that really menas "I have no clue"
Webi167: exactly
wavebabe017: I am just so confused
wavebabe017: I dont know what to do anymore
Webi167: i wouldn't either. But sometimes thats okay... when u don't know what to do you try evrything you know to make it better and ur bound to either find out what works or find out something about urself. Don't hurt urself in the process though, shelby. You've got to keep fighting, but not necessarily trying to fix everything either (not that u are). Take it easy, pal.
Webi167 is away at 7:40:05 PM.
wavebabe017: thanks Julie, love you...shower time

Auto response from Webi167: bathing... love ya shelby... hang in there girlie

...that, my friend, is a true friend

woohoooo today was track and field day!! lol I was really really really mad at Dave today, and I mean it was just this ugly terrible hatred that had me wanting to rip something apart I was that angry. I wanted nothing more than to say NOTHING to him today, and well I did try to. He kept asking me tp sign his shirt but I juse walked away and that was when he started getting the picture that I was not that pleased with him. I knew something.Something he doesnt want me to know. Yeah it ahs to do with Tori...and well as a matter of a fact- he loves her. Yes, he loves her. Yesterday was the first time I have ever seen Tori in my entire life. From what Dave tells me all the time, I pictures some tall super skinny blonde beauty...haha yeah right. That wasnt even close. (NOW....what I am about to say ((must get my anger out now before I explode that is)) I do not mean in a very bad way...but it has its points and well....if u are offended then I take it all back but I gotta say it sooner or later...u want a description of this girl everyone has been waiting to see? You've got one) I had no idea what I was going to see, and what I saw was pretty shocking. She was an overweight pale pale pale 7th grader with greasy greasy ((if its emphasized then I mean it)) hair that looked like Jen Wards but 10x nastier. She was overweight and was really hanging out of all of her clothes. Her guy and thighs and all. Especially her breasts (I can see why he likes her now...) so there you go. But oh, wait, I forgot one important thing...

she is the most rudest, nastiest, obnoxious person I have ever met in my entire life

Want to know why? ...well lets see here. I walk over and I introduce myself....
me: Hi, you must be Tori, Im shelby
Tori: *snobby look* *turns around and whispers something really mean about shelby (that she can hear because she is right there) and walks away*
...well that is our very nice conversation. The rest of the night, she kept staring at me and whispering little things to her friends and they would crack up histterically. (oh yeah I thought it was SO funny...) They would also try and sit closer and closer to Dave (who had already come and sat down next to me btw) and like shoot evil glares at me as they flirt around with him. They all acted like sluts, pulling offf their shirts with like nopthing on underneath (it was pretty gross when Tori did it because well she does have some WEIGHT...) and throwing virgin bracelets at him...oh yeah I really enjoyed watching that.

well anyways...off that, and back to Track and field day...

SO....I was just so seething angry at Dave (why? ...well I dont think I want to explain ...CURSED HE USED ME....*ahem*)
SO....I had the long jump first thing in the morning (11:30) and I had to drop off my stuff and run to the event to check in. I was jumping against some people who were really really good, but I ended up getting a better score than all of them at first (11,6) and then the second time around I got (11,10) better than anyone...I thought. It turned out that Caitlyen Sullivan kicked my butt with a distance of 12,2 wow... lol well she did deserve it, shes a great athlete.

ANYWAYS....I was sooo excited with my great jump and the second place that I just ran over to Dave and like jumped on him screaming with glory. And after that everything was different and I guess I started talking to him again. A little later, he came and sat down next to me, and I scooched over really really close and I apologized, so he gave me a hug. (haha let me tell you...earlier when I was still mad I DID sign him shirt...I wrote "I hate you" in big letters on the front...oops) but I crossed it out and wrote on the sleeve "I <3 U -shelby". I then went out to my 100 metes dash...lost...hehe...and then there was my 400 meter relay. We got another second place and it was all good. I watched Dave do Softball throw and he got 4th place, and another 4th place in Long Jump. But he was dissapointed becasue they didnt give ribbons for 4th place...they just announce it.
As we were leaving to the school and go home, Dave pulled out the marker and wrote on my back "I <3 U - Dave Thomas" and then drew a hamburger (haha becasue the Dave Thomas is the owner of Wendys...hey didnt that guy die?) I thought it was cute...but oh well I am tired

....yeah

Posted at 04:01 pm by wavebabe017
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Monday, May 24, 2004

what a loooong weekend...

well it is offical. I have premanately dropped out of Marching Band thank you to my opposing schedule. I can not balance my summer AND marching band at the same time, so I have taken the chance and just droped out altogether. Matthew and Ali are both absolutely angry at me for my decision, but i am just going to have to ignore it for the time being. There is nothing that will change my mind on the matter, even if Dave asked me out to get me to do it. I would still say no.

Anyways, on a lighter note, we got our tie dyes back today. Mine came out pretty good, but I think there is a little too much white in it. But its all cool, I dont care.
I spoke with my mom yesterday and she said that she is going to let me join Daves youth group (I think). I am going to go there this Wednesday and check it out, you know see if I like it or not. But that still doesnt mean that she will let me join or anything. I spoke to him on the phone (actually while I am typing this I am recording what we are saying now...hehe Im on the phone with me...im such a multitasker) well anyways, he is going to show me this place by Alec's court that leads to the church so I dont have to walk along the sidewalk on St Johns Road and have my mom worry her head off. I sat with him on the bus today and well the first topic of duscussion that we had on the phone was that he wanted me to sit with him more often on the bus. Like every morning and afternoon. (yay!) lol I think its cute, and omg I cant wait until tomorrow!

Wednesday is also Track and Field day. I am in the 100 meter dash against quite a few fast people, the Long Jump (no sweat! ...13 1/2 ft!), and the 400 meter relay with the 3 fastest girls in my gym class. We had a race off with the fastest 8 in our entire class and the 4 fastest would be on the team for the 400 relay. Of course I made it, and now we have an unstopppable team! Our team out clocks any other so far in the practices and alls we have to do is hope we dont mess up on the actual race. We are going to wear our tye-dye shirts that we made in place of our gym shirts, so I think that is cool that we dont have to wear our nasty dirty ones! ooooh am I nervous or what.

Alright well anyways, on Saturday I spent the entire day at Nicole's softball games for her tournament. She lost both games (and they had been champions all season too! poor girl!) Afterwards, we took Babi with us to McDonalds (Kelsey) and then drove back to Nicoles house. We all went swimming in her pool (me and my new hot bikini, I looked great! I am so proud all of my work paid off finally!) and we were in there for probably 3 hours. Then Kelsey went home and Nicole and I went to the Green Ridge Mayfair. We got hit on my like 10th grade guys, and I got hit on also but a 81 year old carni. ...yeah, great... well anyways one of Nicoles friends (who I just thought was SO cute!) Kevin, was really nice. I got to know a few things about him, and a lot about all of Nicoles other friends. They are all so nice, and it seemed like they all liked me a lot too. I hope I am able to become friends with them next year in high school when I see them. ANYWAYS...back on topic here, Nicole and I then went back home and watched the movie "Poltergeist" (and whoa was I scared! ...it was an oldie but a goodie) We fell asleep at like 4 AM, and slept in until 12:00. We then watched the movie "Paycheck" (which I had already seen a few times...hehe matthew and his popcorn!) After that we both got back into the pool but this time, Michael came in with us. (her little brother, who of which I just adore!) I got out and my dad came and got me, and I went home. About 5 minutes after I arrive at my house, Ali calls me and wants me to go see a movie with her for her birthday. We called Dave and invited him too. We saw "Mean Girls" (third movie this week and still counting) As we were leaving and out by the car, Ali started making fun of me in front of Dave about this one movie incident where I left my purse in the theatre and how I was freaking out. Well, the second we reached the car Ali realized something was missing and nearly screamed "OMG I LEFT MY PURSE IN THE THEATRE" haha so Ali and I went running around the movie theatre trying to let the people let us back in so we could get our purse, and then ran back to the car...which had left and went up front (hehe we didnt know we thought they left us) so we were freaking out and just sat there, but along comes Alis mom with Dave laughing his head off. (that was the long story short btw)

NOW...back to today! This morning I slept on my neck wrong, so I went to school with a really sore and hurting neck. Of course I could talk...but that was until I went to the nurse for some ice and she started like choking as if she was "rubbing my neck" as she said she way. My throat hurt so bad after that and I could barely whisper. THe bad thing was... the Sacco and Vanzetti trial was today...sadly, right after I got out of the nurse. I went into the Special Interest room and everyone was missig, so I went to resource. Everyone in recourse was missing too, so then I remmebered that they could be in the front auditorium. So on another field trip I went, but this time I found the right place and they were about to start. So knowing me, I just crept in like nothing happened (but that didnt stop everyone from seeing me) and sat down. When it was my turn, I could barely talk but I still had to go on with it. I managed to whisper the entire thing practically, and the crying scene was PATHETIC...hehe oh well! no one said anything to me so I guess we all did equally bad....hopefully.

...no homework for tonight, so I guess I am going to go lay around the house..like usual.

xoxoxox

Posted at 04:14 pm by wavebabe017
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Friday, May 21, 2004

Music: You never loved me anyways

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Well today was not much of a good day, but Dave called me and made it much better.

He convinced me to join his youth group every Wednesday at 7:00 down the street, and have a good time. He says that there everyone is like a big family, and right now that is all I really want. mI am a little uncomfortable about the idea because I wont know anyone, and that girl we know as Tori will also be there. Yeah a lot of people at the youth group have been asking him to invite me and to get to know me, but I dont really care if they do, if I feel at all uncofortable then I wont go through with it. I just have this terrible urge to jsut cry out all of my stress today, but I just cant do that, becuase dave wouldnt want me to do that. Today he told me some very nice things such as "I love being around you" and "If you ever need someone to hang out with or talk to, just walk to my house" and also "Ill listen to you" ....somone listen to me? whoa that is a totallly new things. He always has been there but I didnt see it until now, and well, life doesnt seem so hard anymore. Being alone everyday after school and having no one to talk to or hang out with, having Dave tell me that I can walk down to his house anytime really made me happy. I think it has been about 2 years since I last walked to a friends house after school....its just that lonely in my neighborhood. Now I know that I really do have a friend that I can look to with my problems, and secrets, and know that he will listen to me and help me through them one step at a time. I know that he is there to help.

Posted at 04:48 pm by wavebabe017
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Sunday, May 16, 2004

Entry for May 16

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Yesterdays dinner dance kicked major ass! I had the best time everrrrrrr! Alrighty well first off, Ali and I got kicked out of our table because they decided that the teachers wanted our table instead of any other, and well we were forced to move. By that time there were no tables left so Brittany Ali and I were forced to sit next to Chris Lynn, Alex Graf, amd Seth Kimmel. It was terrible.. they ruined our entire night, but thats alright we had a great time anyways! Poor Shawn went running to the trash can next to me when I was sitting down lightheaded from all of the music, and puked right there. Oh my I probably felt sicker than he did just after watching it. I then went back out onto the dance floor with everyone and we danced the whole time. The time went by sooo fast, and then at the end of the party, they played the last song of the night, and it was a slow song. So Dave and I slowe danced to it!!!!! WOOHOOO!!! omg it was the best thing that had every happened to me! I dont think I could have asked for a better time! Dave is not that bad of a dancer might I add, and he is very tall because when I had to put my arms around his neck I was like reaching up really far. But thats alright. He was even a gentleman and kept his hands to himself unlike other people who werent with their dates. Oh well, the song we danced to was "arms wide open" *sniff* (such a sad song) lol Brittany who was by me before Dave and I started dancing just grabbed some random person- which turned out to be Danny- and started slow dancing with him. No questions asked. lmao it was hilarious. When I saw danny, I asked him how it was and he was like "awesome" and Dave pulled me over onto his chest and was like "yeah this is MY partner!" lmao...I lvoe him to bits!!

Back to May 17

Alright well that is an entry from my xanga from yesterday. Today in school Candice was in sand art with me and had snapped a picture of Dave and I slow dancing, and she let me have it! I love that girl to itty bitty pieces for giving me the picture! Now I have something to remmeber our dance by, not to mention that I also saw a few people jump by me and take our picture dancing but I dont remember seeing Candice as being one of them... oh welL! lol i showed ali brittany and dave and brittany and ali were all like "AW!!!!!" and Dave and I were just all like... "uhh...yeah.." haha we are so weird. I want to go get my pcitures I took developed so that I can put them up on my online photo album, picturetrail...crap. Oh well I think I mgiht have a soccer game today later out in York. I am not so sure, but its possible, I dont think I want to go. I miss Dave..

Posted at 04:10 pm by wavebabe017
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Saturday, May 15, 2004

Saturdaaaaaaaay!

weeee today is saturdaY!!! lmao, I am so excited because my 8th grade dinner dance is tonight!! I am going to be dancing with Dave even though we wont be going together. We firstly had this giant huge fight on the bus. It got just as bad as it could get. Everyone was screaming and yelling an bitching at each other. It all started with Dave brining up Tori with Dwayne and Tim and Kaleb and they started ratting on him about Tori about why he really liked her. (we all know it for the titties) so he started denying it, and I shot at him "Dave we all heard you say to Jordan 'Yeah she was at my lacrosse game... didnt you see her? you know... blonde hair,,... BIG TITTIES' ...just give it up we all know its true" and well he undeniably said it never happened. Figures. Well anyways, it didnt stop there, it got bad.,.. real bad. I dont know if I want to get into it since everything is all better now. But anyways, he called me at my house right before we were going to go to the mayfair and we talked a little bit. He wanted to know why I had gotten so upset and well I told him. maybe I told him a little too much because I accidentally said something about pmsing... hehe, oh well. At first I was a wreck trying to tell him, because I was nervous and I really didnt know what to say to him, so I just let it all out. "Looke Dave, I know that you dont like me like that anymore, and I know that we will never go back out because you dont have those feelings. The thing is is that when you broke up with Tori, she didnt really care, Dave. She had someone immediately to turn to and have on her arm afterward. She is a 7th grader... they dont really like the 8th graders, they just flaunt the fact that they are going out with an 8th grader. But when you broke up with me just because you wanted to go back to her, well I didnt have that optiion to just get over it and have another guy on my arm. I DID care unlike Tori, because I like you! And I know that you cant understand that... but I give up now and you can just have Tori" I just said it and shut the hell up. He was silent for a second and then he said "But how do you know that I dont like you? Who said I wanted to go back out with her? Shelby I like you a lot too, maybe not as much as you think you I do, but I do and I would love to go back out with you. But right now I dont think I want a girlfriend blah blah blah... I want to make sure we are alright, I hate fighting with you blah blah blah..." we then spoke a little bit more ...a little more... interesting.. things... but anyways, he asked me to meet him in front of the school at 5:15 and he left. My older sister was supposed to take me but when I got inside, she was just walking out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. Her exboyfriend Seth was there so I made him drive me to the fair. Of course I was 30 min late because me and Dave were on the phone for so long. Brittany and Ali found me by Sand Art like they promised and we went and got our hair sprayed. I got blue glitter and pink in my hair. brittany got whitish/silverish and looked a lot like mrs stauffer (my hero!). LOL and Ali got purple and pink in her hair. We all looked weird, but we didnt think that the rain would wash a lot of it out of our hair and down our faces like Alis did. Brittany had left before the rain started because she was only allowed to stay until 5:30 and Dave was already with us by the time she had left. Dave Ali and I were just walking around for a little but then we started seeing lightning in the sky so we headed over to the rides before it starts raining and got onto the Hustler. We had gotten turned around and the other cars were being loaded, but then the rain started coming down hard and lightning was everywhere, so the carnie guy got all the people off of those cars but it took a long time to get our car around to get all of us people out. (There were like 6 other little kids in there with us.. poor things so scared) and we were all yelling at the guy to get us out of there, and I had ducked down and was scrunched up against Dave scared. They got us off and we were scrambling down to the gym, and by then it was already pelting down on us. There was rain everywhere and we could barely see ahead of us it was coming down so hard. When we got into the gym we were all soaked head to toe, through and through. Oh my were we miserable or what? We bought a bunch of candy and Ali and I went into the bathrooms to try and get a little dryed up, and when we got back Dave was missing. We had to look everywhere to find him but we finally did in the cafeteria. He was watching a karate demonstration with his mom. We came over and joined them and were absolutely amazed by how good some of these people were. Afterwards, Dave Ali and I went over back outside even though it was still raining but not as hard and then went back inside (yea I know it was pointless but hey we got kettle corn!) We then went back inside and said on the hidden stairs by the stage and laughed at someof the people doing the karaoke. Danny had said that he was going to go get the clowns and have them up on stage with him while he sang the longest version of 'Bob the Builder' we have ever heard in our entire lives. Of course I missed it because it was a little later when I thought he had to go. But forget that for now. Ali then had to leave with her mom and so it was just Dave and I. We went over to the goldfish game and threw some ping pong balls into small glass jars. We each won 3 fish and then went to go win some hats. The game was indoors and I had to throw 4 balls into these hat containers and had to make 2 to get a orange pimp hat. Dave got 2 in but I only got on in. Dave had wanted to get the army hat which was a hat that you could win if you got only 1 ball in. I went and got the army hat and gave it to him, but he put his hat on my head and said "It matches your shirt, so you keep this one" hehe I was sooo happy that I got his hat! He is sooo sweet to me. I had called my mom becuase Dave thought that he had to go, but it figured that he was wrong and his mom was working the pizza stand but by then I had already called. I went to find my sister and she had like 4 whole strips of tickets left and w had to spend them all in 10 min. We caught back up with Dave and I handed him a whole strip and told him to start spending so we went straight to the candy stand and got a bag load of candy. (none for me.. better watch my weight while im ahead) But my mom had already come and I had to leave, so I gave Dave a hug and thanked him for the hat then left. I felt bad leaving him there all by himself having to stay with his mom, but he probably stayed with D and that "dangerous person..." yeh long story, Hopefully nothing bad came of it.

Thanks so much for the great time last night, Dave! i love you!

Today we had a soccer game, which might I add we absolutely lost. But thats alright, im down with that. Tonight is the dinner dance and I am afriad to let my mom do my hair... oh I pray for its safety. hehe, I better get going... i am sooo tired!! *yawn*

Posted at 12:22 pm by wavebabe017
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Thursday, May 13, 2004

Most touching moment of my life thus far

As sad as it sounds, today I had the longest talk with my grandfather than I have ever had in my entire life. And well... it was only really about 5 minutes. My Grandpa Lutz I see every weekend and I talk to him forever... it goes on and on. But my grandpa Pringer, I never get to see him. He is much older than Gpa Lutz and definitely acts it. But Gpa Pringer is kind of deaf in one ear and has been having problems lately. For example he just had a heart attack a little bit ago, a week maybe. He is alright and everything, but I worry about him. When I went out to the car- a towel on my head- I could just see that he was really getting old, really old. That heart attack had done more then him then I had imagined, and well he didn't look like the younger grandpa I knew best. he always calls me "Pretty Girl" because ever since I was born he always thought that I was the prettiest little girl he had ever seen, and loved to hold me and buy me little presents. Once I got older I didnt see much of my grandpa and didnt care much either. But he was still always there calling me "pretty girl" and wanting to give me the first hug to anyone in the family. He always seems to be coming up with a new way to make me happy without me knowing. He'll always ask Grandma to ask my mom if there was anything I was interested in or really liked. Mom always tells grandma my favorite food at that time (which changes so often, I just have these huge cravings for. Right now it is cauliflauer.. crap we dont have any) and Grandpa will make sure that grandma gets that item when she goes grocery shopping and give it to me. He always sits out in the car and rarely comes inside, but I know that the gift is from him, and I am always grateful that he thinks about me so much. He never is like this to anyone else in my family. Just me. And I feel so special. I didnt really see how much he really loves me until today. I know that he loves me, and always has, but I didnt realize just how much. Maybe I should explain something first....my cousin Jennifer, was lately kicked out of her house for my aunt theresa finding pot in her car. Jennifer already has a baby and dropped out of loooong ago. She barely has a job, and she isnt married. In fact she is only a year or two older than my older sister Mallory. It is pretty disgraceful to our family that she made terrible decisions and is slowly making herself a nobody, just ruining her life. My Grandpa was probably the one who was hit hardest by this, her being his first grandaughter and all. He was really upset. Today when I went out to the car, I just saw how much he had changed since I last saw him I just wanted to stay and finally talk to him. He took my hand and said "pretty girl, my pretty shelby". He asked me how school was doing, and I told him that I was doing very very well. (which in fact I AM... so NO, i did not lie) and that I have at least 92's and above in every subject. He seemed very happy about that. He asked a little bit about what I was thinking of doing when I got older, and was planning on going to college. I had never told him that I was planning on college (which I AM btw) and he just flat out said "You need a good education because you are going to college" he was so sure that that was the best thing for me to do. It almost sounded like that was what he wanted me to do. But I realized, I am the next one in the Pringer family. My other cousin Thomas is just weird and doesnt do that great in school, and Mallory as you all know already dropped out. She is a lost hope, and grandpa is not very happy with her either. I guess he really wants to see his favorite grandaughter succeed and do something good with her future. Get a good job, and a great education. Education is always put first to my grandpa, and I dont blame him. As much as I dont like it, it is something that should always be taken seriously. He really thought that I could do it, that I could achieve my dreams and do whatever I wanted with my life. Heck, he even said the most precious thing to me in my entire life. Something I would almost kill to hear, just once. He looked at me and he told me "I know you can do it, Shelby. I know it because I believe in you"

...that just there, was the absolute most greatest thing i could have ever heard. When I had first gone out to the car to him, hair all a mess, tangled and wet, I really felt like crap after coming to the realization that Dave and I were through... we will never happen. But when I left, I was the happiest person in the world. No one, and I repeat no one could have felt what I felt at that moment. No one will ever make me feel that emotion that I was stuck with earlier today by my grandfather, because he is the only one that will mean it in such a way that meant so much to me, that I couldnt feel anything but the need to cry in appreciation. I want my grandfather to be there for me for a long long time, and I want him to be there at my graduation when I gradute from high school, and finally from college. I want him to see that I can do it, that I can make him happy, and finally seeing someone do something great with their life, and putting so much work into achieving that goal. I want him to see that the belief he invested in me, actually touched me at heart and I will never forget what he told me today. Never.

okay im sorry for that long...story, I guess I will tell you about today. It wasnt that great. I have come to that conclusion that Dave and I are off altogether. But it did get better, and my grandpa even brought me tomato plants to plant in the garden next to my growing cauliflower that I have been tending to for many weeks now. I couldnt have asked for a better gift.

Posted at 09:07 pm by wavebabe017
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Monday, May 10, 2004

updating... finally

well here are all the entrys that I have put into my xanga because I am too lazy to come here... but thats alright..

Monday, May 10, 2004

wavebabe017: weeeeeee so what are you doing...?
Lalaine: pick pick picking my nose
wavebabe017: that sounds a lot like something sheridan would say you know..
Lalaine: wow shelby you are so on your toes
Lalaine:
wavebabe017: okay smily faces are so gay
wavebabe017: pelase dont use the,
wavebabe017: them*
Lalaine: :'( :'( :'( >:o
wavebabe017: alright that is so annoying

lmao... isnt my mom so mature?

well anyways, I am in a GREAT mood today!! I COULDNT BE HAPPIER! lol weeeeeeeeeeeeee

It is a looong story why, but whatever I am just so happy today. Earlier though, I was pretty sad and tired, I had the hardest time staying awake in French and I just wasnt being myself. So quiet. Madame asked me if there was something wrong becasue I wasnt being my loud self... haha am I really that obnxious sometimes? ...oh well!

Here are all the people that made me happy today!:

- Dave!! (I love you to pieces!)
- Brittany (I LOVE YOU!!)
- Ali (lmao... for making me feel happy that I wasnt the only one feeling like crud at one point today...)
- Matt (....for being yourself?)
- Vik (I love the hugs... although creepy sometimes)
- Dean (thanks for caring about me!)
- Shannon (just a good laugh... you bad girl)
- D (those were great stories!)
- Bryann (lmao... you are the greatest)
- KB (oh you)
- Dwayne (haha I made him say hi to me today, twas great!)
- Mrs Stauffer (she found my paramecium for me!)

...well I am not sure what to write today... but thats alright!

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Sunday, May 09, 2004

I gues this weekend was a good one! lol I went to a party and got taken to Hershey Park against my own free will... but thats okay, I had a good time anyways!

Alright so anyways, Friday was career day and it was a half day. I got these 4 careers...
Orthodontist
Modeling
Acting
Forensics

For Orthodontist, Dr. Hilton came in (my orthodontist too) and he showed us everything from models, brochures, lectures, books and magazines everything about being an orthodontist. He wouldnt tell us exactly how much a orthodontist makes, but he says that he makes a ton. (orthodontists are in the top 1% of the US income) He says that you have to go to college for about 11 years to become one.. like whoa is right. I dont think I am debating between whether or not to become an orthodontist because I already know what the answer is.. but you know, its always a possibility.

For modeling, the executive or relations (or something like that) of barbain modeling school came in. (might I add she was really pretty too?) SHe showed us a video that the place had put together, and it was very informational. It just made me want to be a model even more than ever. There is even a barbain modeling school around here in this area (yay!) I think I have the looks to be a model, and I think that I should consider becoming one or seeing if I can get an ad for someone or something. (and NO I am not trying to brag here..) I used to model for bridal wear down in Texas when I was much younger. I remember flying down there with my grandparents and living with my aunts and uncles while I was there. I was a lot younger then, but I am still really pretty and I am not afraid to admit that because I know that I am one of the very fortunate ones to recieve good looks from God when I was born. He gave me my good looks, and my athletic ability/talent and I am grateful for it all. I am just wondering if I am able to do it all or if anyone even wants me or thinks I am not pretty and skinny enough... there are just so many factors.

For Acting, Perky Berky came in, and she remmebered a lot of us, just none of our names... well anyways, she got us all up on stage and we had to spread out. She started getting us doing warm ups like we were about to run a few miles, and we all looked ridiculous. Everytime we moved our head from side to side or up and down we had to make this weird eerie voice in the back of our throat. Everyone sounded like a dying cat, but I didnt really have a problem with it because I wasnt the only one who had to do it so I didnt feel embarassed or alone.Then we all had to walk down the aisles in the auditorium like the hunchback of notre dame, and like erchule. HAHA... now THAT was really odd. Some people were really good at different things like that... but not me. I just looked stupid. But oh well, I dont care, I had Matt and Vik there to talk to.

Forensics... ugh not much to talk about here. We didnt really do much. I was supposed to present him but I didnt really know what to say so I just walked up to the front of the room and said "this is Mr Eckinrode and he will be doing Forensics" and then I sat down. He replied by saying "alright that was half-hearted" and I argued back "NO I meant it! I just dont know what to say!" ...haha everyone in that class now think that I am crazy.

ALRIGHT.... well then after school (which might I add again was a half day) I went to the park for mandis birthday party. A lot of people were there, and they were all people I know and am friends with, so I felt at home. We played a little bit of volleyball using a soccer ball, and once that really didnt work, Mandi went with Kristin to her house to retrieve one. They came back and we played for a while longer, and then Mandis mom drove 4 of us at a time up to her neighborhood and dropped us off to wait for the rest. Brittany, Mandi, Ali and I were the first load of girls over, and we got out and sat down on the sidewalk in front of some house. We started playing slap dilly-o-so really loud and concentration and other various games. Mandi all of a sudden out of the blue says "you know you guys... this house we're in front of, this is Danny Kilmers" LMAO!!! that was great.,... haha a bunch of school girls that know Danny quite well (some of us a little TOO well... like me...) were just sitting outside in front of his house on the sidewalk playing slap-dilly-o-so and singing songs like "My Band" by eminem and the song that never ends. And then carload by carload came in and just made the group bigger and bigger and louder as we kept on playing games. It was great. Then, as soon as everyone was there we started walking up to Mandis house and yet again we were all screaming "my band" to the whole neighborhood. Mandi had a friend named Spencer who was in the 7th grade, and we were passing his house, so we all stopped in front and Mandi ran to ring his doorbell. When he opened the door we all screamed "WE LOVE YOU SPENCER" and then ran away. hehe, twas a great time. When we finally got to Mandis house, we all had tacos and ice cream sundaes. Then we played games like "truth or dare" and "under the blanket" haha under the blanket was the FUNNIEST game I have ever seen. I was new to it (which was the point) and I didnt get what was going on until I started taking my earings off. Hah Ali won that game because she is just too smart... but I dont think I am going to tell you what it is or I would spoil it for you and others. Afterwards it got dark so we all went out and played a game of Manhunt. Ali and I were laying down behind a tree on the wet ground. haha no one found us and everyone ended up forfeiting so it was basically for nothing... We then went back onto her trampolinee and everyone sat on the outside of it so we wouldnt break it or anything and we played true or dare again. Kristin got dared to go over to Vish's house and ring his doorbell and then run away. lmao it was great! Then I had to run around Mandi's house screaming "I HAVE ISSUES SOMEONE HELP ME" and Sarah mom as well as Mandis were outside in front of the house talking and saw me running by and I think Sarahs mom nearly toppled over in laughter. Another one was when Nina had to knock on Mandis neighbors basement window while they were watching a movie and wave to them. Nina actually did it, and there were 2 really hot guys inside...I am so jealous. lol well anyways, another one was when Sarah had to call someone (and out of the love of my heart I wont tell you who) and she had to like ask stupid questions and just act weird. SHe put on this weird voice and was like laughing really hard so she hung up. Poor *censored* ! After all of that my mom came and got me and I had to go. My mom forgot when the party was over and just ended up coming a 1/2 hour early. Figures.

Yesterday my dad dragged me out to Hershey Park to get my season pass picture redone, and then go into the park. My picture turned out really really good (yay!) and then we went into the park. It wasnt as packed as we thoguht it would be.. it was actually pretty good. The lines for a lot of the roller coasters were at least 20 minute waits, but we ended up going on all of them excpet the Storm Runner (at LEAST a 2 hour wait) and sidewinder (that ride just gives me a headache). We are going again today for some uknown reason. (I know, I just cant tell you..)

I forgot to mention that I have been trying to get a hold of Dave all weekend. When I called his house on Friday at Mandis house, he was actually rude to me for once. He had to go and he was getting all high strung and everything (and we were only on the phone for 2 sec!) I dont think I am going to talk to him for a while... he didnt understand that I needed to talk to him about something really important, and I guess he didnt care enough to want to listen...

well I have to go do chores... yeah...

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Thursday, May 06, 2004

Today was the band festival. We all did really good, and both Matt and Dave nailed their solos. I am so happy for them, and I bet they are just as pleased.

I did a good deed today! (not like I dont do them or anything..) but I really liked what I did today. It is kind of part of the new me. Ali, Bryann, Mandi, Kayla, Vik, Jess, and I were sitting on top of a hill eating our lunch and I spotted a red shirted (yes thats us) good hope boy sitting all by hismelf on the ground, just looking around sadly. I could just tell he was beyond lonely and wanted someone to talk to or share food with. I said that I wanted to go down and get him to come eat with us and Bryann volunteered to come with me. We walked down the hill and I walked over to him and tried to have him eat with us. At first he refused (I think he was afraid of me..) but then he finally came up with us and sat by us. His name is Scott Casper, he has a twin brother in his grade who is also in the band. He has no pets and likes to play sports such as Basketball, Baseball and soccer... he is such a sweet kind person and it kills me to see him so friendless and lonely. No one deserves to be alone all the time and watch as others have a good time with their friends...

OKAY RIGHT NOW I OFFICIALLY AM PISSED OFF AT BRITTANY

that is all I have to say on the matter.

ANYWAYS.... haha, well I missed all of my classes today and I have no homework tonight so I dont have to take home my backpack or any books! Wow thats a first. Well anyways, I got called down to the auditorium with a bunch of other people, and Mr Spinella informed us that we would be escorts and presenters to the people coming in on career day. I am to present the forensics person on 4th rotation.. weeee I wonder what my other 3 things are...?

Today I was really really down about something (that of which I would not like to share at the moment) and Matt and Vik were trying to make me feel bettter. (unlike my so called friends who dont care to notice if I was dying or alive) I got many many hugs from both of them, and even a few from mandi, Kb, and Bryann. hehe I feel loved now...

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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

wow.. I am so happy to see that people commented and said a thing or two. You guys are so great, and you are very welcome Kayce. Yeah I have never met you either... but I am sure I will get to know you next year up at the high school in marching band! I cant wait for it this year, even though I wont be at the first few because of a vacation... I hope I get to see you!

And nicole... I am kind of cleaning myself up under different circumstances because I think I have been acting on wrong and bad decisions for a while now on numerous ocassions, and I feel like that my whole life I have been doing some stupid stuff, and I can sit here and remember bad things about my past instead of good ones. I want to try to be a better person. I am not saying I never was a good person, I am just saying that I want to make better choices and think of other people before I react. I am also having big issues with my family as you can see, and I just want to make everything better between us no matter how hard it may seem.

Today was a pretty good day of school. D has been riding my bus to and from school everyday this week with Dave, and will until friday. I think he is staying with him because his mom is in Texas or something... but whatever, anyways, In all of my classses, I had a good time in each one. (except for a little run in with Corey cherif...I think I jsut might go to Mr. Spinella about him soon...) I dont think I was sad or upset today, and I seemed to be enjoying myself fully for maybe the first time in a while. I am so happy that I have such loving friends who love me, and I love them just as much or if not more than they could ever imagine. EVEN my guy friends.

haha... I got hugs today! lots of them too! I got one from, Matt (not one I was expecting..) Vik, Ali, brittany, DAVE (well kind of...) and Kb! weee I feel sooo loved today!

Tonight I have loads of homework because tomorrow is the band festival and I will be missing all of my classes except for English tomorrow so I have to do all the homework for tonight and tomorrow AND the work I missed during class... I am so swamped and I still have to go running and take a shower! I just wish someone would go biking with me...I like to bike more than I like to run but no one ever wants to go with me so I feel so alone.... but its alright I guess.. I can do it by myself!

wow I am super happy because today I was working on the long jump since it is one of my events for track and field day, and I got 13 1/2 feet!!!! weee I think I am doing pretty good, and by the looks of it, I might have a chance! lol my relay team for the 400 is also doing great! We are so close to beating the school record and I know we can do it if we try!!

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Posted at 05:08 pm by wavebabe017
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Saturday, May 01, 2004

errrgh

Music: something.. I forget

Mood: semi happy

ugh today feels a little better. LAst night was the first night that I was back with my mom. I was forced to stay there because I had a soccer game early today and my dad couldnt take me becuse he had to take my little sister to HER game out in gettysburg or something, so my mom of all people ended up having to take me. The second I walk into the house....

�Its trashed, I cant look anywhere without seeing a mess

�My sisters start bitching at me, and the one psychopathic one I like to call Sheridan (who probbaly has terets and needs anger management) started fightint dirty (ya kno, scratching, kicking, biting, cant punch for shit)

�Everyone in the house is telling me to get out and that I belong in a trailer park with alll the other trash

�I can not get to sleep because everyone is basically running around, tlaking, blowing their hair, and turning the TV on obnoxiously loud... on purpose.

This isnt exactly what I would call a very good day coming back to my moms. She had said to me earlier online when I was at my autns (she was on my other screen name) she had told me "you are always welcome here, even mallory" well she didnt really seem like she had meant it at all.

Well anyways, yesterday Ali and I started working on our social studies project. In the 41/2 hours I was there, we got nothing accomplished really. We kept trying out different things to see what would work best, but nothing seemed to look right. SO right when we figure out what to do, it is already late and I should be getting home. That means that I have to work on it at home and do major amounts of stuff to make up for all the lost time we had...

As my mom and I were going to sheetz, I wouldnt say one word to her (this is on the way back from my soccer game) and when we get in there, I quickly order my MTO, and go find a drink. When I see my sandwich on the counter, there was alreeady a man standing there putting his salads into a bag. So I say to my mom "theres my sandwich ill get it" but knowing her she wasnt listened and couldnt give two shtis about what I had just said, and walked over past me and is like interrupting this guy who is talking to the lady packaging his salads going "IS THIS NUMBER 49? IS THIS NUMBER 49? EXCUSE ME!!!" and I am sitting here yelling at her "OMG MOM BE QUIET" and well like I said every time there is an opporitunity to embarass me, she takes it... we had a huge fight on the way out, which seemed to have gotten the attention of everyone in the store and I could feel their eyes following me as we left. ggrr.... I have never been so mad at her. I really cant stand her, and well this living with my dad thing... I think it is going to be permanent.

wee omg I saw dave doing a car wash at the commerce bank! I wanted to get the car washed sooo bad for once!!! lol omg.. no SHIRT!! AHH IT WAS GREAT! Now only if he wouldnt wear one when hes around me...

alright well im going to the movies with KB!

Posted at 11:56 am by wavebabe017
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