Music: [everytime] by Britney Spears
Mood: could be better...
Today wasnt what I would say.... the best. It could have been better, much better. I dont know... but this week has started out pretty bad already and it is only Monday. I think I am going to change my layout from this bright pink and purple to black and white... right now, bright colors are not the things I want to be seeing right now. I have been trying to get over Dave for a long time now... and I just dont know how. I hate how much he talks about other girls around me. I hate how much he doesnt care. I hate how much he ignores everything I say if it has to do with us. I hate how much he makes me feel invisible. I hate how he flirts with my best friends. I hate how he lies straight to my face. I hate how much I dont hate him... not even a little bit.
Im not a perfect person, and I dont like having to try and be one all the time. I dont want to dress up and wear my best clothes everyday just to catch his eye. I dont want to have to act all non ditzy and rebel around him even though I am really a sweet caring person and too much of a ditz. I dont think making him happy makes ME happy... and well I dont want that to be how things go for the rest of my life. I would rather forget him.... but I just cant. I wish it were more simpler than that.
Today he wouldnt talk to me at all. I tried my best to get his attention but it felt like he didnt want to have anything to do with me. Not after that incident with Mr. Cooper... hes ashamed of me, no matter how many times he tells me that he would never be ashamed of me... ever, I can still see it in his eyes, his actions, his words.... it just says "ashamed" ....I wish I could talk to him about it. Ali was supposed to ask him today if he was mad or anything with me, but I guess she didnt. I would have spoken to him in French today but I had a band lesson, and he cares more about his guys friends on the bus than me. SO whats the point of trying anymore...? We promised that we wouldnt stop being friends even if we were to go out and break up later.
[[ ...he promised... ]]